Tribes And Love

You might find, generally, that people won’t like you if you’re individualistic. Even family members might scoff at your individualism. The reason is that you’re part of their tribe and they see you as an extension of themselves. Diversion from the collective identity is likely to be frowned upon.

Families are cliques. Each with their own culture and unwritten rules. A family is like a little society within a society. Any society you’re part of will have certain expectations of you. The overarching expectation is that you do things that the group thinks are “normal”. You’ll be accepted to the degree that you stay within those boundaries. And the amount of love you receive from the group will also be affected. The further you stray from the norms of the group the more you’ve “abandoned” the family.

It’s difficult for people to understand you if you’re doing things that they don’t understand. But there’s always a family for you out there somewhere—people who get you. They get you because they think like you and they like many of the things you like. But of course that will change too if you change. People are tribal. That’s the way we are. We like to form bonds with people who we think are like us.

This is a transient life we live, with people moving in different directions, both physically and psychologically, trying to find security and meaning. Love is fragile—relationships are fragile. Be yourself, but be careful not to push anyone’s love for you too far.