We don’t like to think we’re the problem. Instead, we tend to think other people are the main danger we need to watch out for. But the truth is, we’re often more of a danger to ourselves than anyone else is. If we did a better job of managing our anger, finances, health, and so on, we’d have fewer problems.

The same goes for taking care of our children. When we think about their safety, we fear what others could do to them—strangers, doctors, teachers, governments, but what about us? We all make mistakes as parents.

You could homeschool them, but maybe you wouldn’t do any better than the schools. You could make decisions about their health out of fear that governments and scientists are wrong, but maybe you’re the one who’s wrong. You could get angry about the way someone spoke to your kid, but what hurtful things have you said?

Deep down, most parents probably wonder if they’re messing their kids up, but that thought tends to get suppressed or accompanied by excuses. As parents who care, we need to have the guts to hang on to those uncomfortable thoughts and figure out what we’ve been doing wrong.

Then do better.

P.S. I’ve been taking a free Yale course called Everyday Parenting: The ABCs Of Child Rearing. It’s been helpful.