Is your definition of success determined by you? Or are you allowing other people to define it for you?

If it’s defined by others, is it because they know something you don’t? Or is it because you simply want to fit in?

We’re a tribal species. We want, very badly, to be accepted by the group. That instinctive desire can easily cause our definition of success to be determined by what other people think of us. It’s hard to live in a way that could invite ridicule, rejection, or persecution from others.

Wealth and fame are status symbols. They signify that you’ve made it to the top—that you’re a success. There’s a reason why people are still fascinated by royal families, celebrities, men in nice suits driving expensive cars, and even the person who seems to be the life of the party.

Whether we realize it or not, we’re drawn to status, and culture reinforces that tendency. Nobody planned it that way. It’s just something we sleepwalk towards. It’s rooted in ancient biological architecture in the brain.

But there’s also newer architecture in the brain that give us greater executive function. That capacity can be used to play the game—the rat race where everyone chases limited resources and attention. Or it can be used to contemplate what a meaningful and satisfying life can look like, regardless of who makes the most money or receives the most attention.

Being at the top can have its advantages, but you don’t necessarily need to be there. Even if you make it there, you might discover that it comes with its own set of problems and that you don’t actually want the life you worked so hard to achieve.